Tessa Richardson, LCSW
Somatic Psychotherapy & Consultation

Tessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & ConsultationTessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & ConsultationTessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & Consultation

Tessa Richardson, LCSW
Somatic Psychotherapy & Consultation

Tessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & ConsultationTessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & ConsultationTessa Richardson, LCSW Somatic Psychotherapy & Consultation
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More About How I Work and My Philosophy and Other Resources

Somatic Psychotherapy

What is "body-oriented psychotherapy?"

 

Traditional psychotherapy primarily pays attention to thoughts, emotions and behaviors. In body-oriented or somatic psychotherapy, such as the Hakomi method, attention is also given to sensations and felt experiences in the body.


It may be as simple as bringing attention and awareness to a felt sensation, or it might entail “taking over” a particular tension or holding, in order to explore what lies beneath. The goal of therapy is to encourage communication among parts and to bring attention to those parts that are lost, hidden or isolated. 


Hakomi is a wonderful therapy for those who are interested in exploring themselves at a deeper level. Hakomi uses mindfulness and present moment awareness to help you recognize, explore and shift habitual ways of acting and responding and connect more with your aliveness. It uses multiple dimensions--body, thoughts, emotions, posture, beliefs--to explore, change and grow. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy™ is a body-centered approach that aims to treat the somatic symptoms of unresolved trauma. While traditional talk therapies utilize the words of a person as the entry point for treatment, this type of therapy depends on the bodily experiences of the individual as a gateway to awareness and improved mental health.


Body-oriented psychotherapy can provide an added dimension to the therapeutic process by presenting information that is often overlooked. With the partnership of the conscious mind, it can provide a deeper and more efficient path to work directly with the unconscious mind, facilitating self-discovery and transformation.

Thoughts on Mindful Transformation

Instead of acting as if we can dispose of parts of ourselves, we should learn the art of transformation. We can transform our anger, for example, into something more wholesome, like understanding.  We do not need surgery to remove our anger. If we become angry at our anger, we will have two angers at the same time. We only have to observe it with love and attention. If we take care of our anger in this way, without trying to run away from it, it will transform itself...we can deal with any unpleasant feeling in the same way." 

This is a process similar to psychotherapy. Together with the patient a therapist looks at the nature of the pain. Often the therapist can uncover causes of suffering that stem from the way the patient looks at things, the beliefs he holds about himself, his culture, and the world. The therapist examines these viewpoints and beliefs with the patient and together they help free him from the kind of prison he has been in...


The therapist does not treat the patient by simply giving him another set of beliefs. She tries to help him see which kinds of ideas and beliefs have led to his suffering. Many patients want to get rid of their painful feelings, but they do not want to get rid of their beliefs, the viewpoints that are the very roots of their feelings. So therapist and patient have to work together to help the patient see things as they are. The same is true  when we use mindfulness to transform our feelings. After recognizing the feeling, becoming one with it, calming it down, and releasing it, we can look deeply into its causes, which are often based on inaccurate perceptions. As soon as we understand the causes and nature of our feelings, they begin to transform themselves.

~Thich Nhat Hanh in Peace is Every Step 


The more we relate to others, the more quickly we discover where we are blocked, where we are unkind, afraid, shut down. Seeing this is helpful, but it is also painful. Often the only way we know how to react is to use it as ammunition against ourselves. We aren't kind. We aren't honest. We aren't brave, and we might as well give up right now. But when we apply the instruction to be soft and nonjudgemental to whatever we see right at that very moment, then this embarrassing reflection in the mirror becomes our friend. Seeing that reflection becomes motivation to soften further and lighten up more, because we know it's the only way we can continue to work with others and be of any benefit to the world.

-Pema Chodron in When Things Fall Apart

EMDR

What is EMDR? The short answer....


Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that was developed to resolve symptoms resulting from disturbing and unresolved life experiences. It uses a structured approach to address past, present, and future aspects of disturbing memories. The approach was developed by Francine Shapiro, PhD, to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders as resulting from exposure to a traumatic or distressing event. Although some clinicians may use EMDR for various problems, its research support is primarily for disorders stemming from distressing life experiences.


When a trauma occurs it seems to get locked in the nervous system with the original picture, sounds, thoughts and feelings. The eye movements or other bilateral stimulation we use in EMDR seem to unlock the nervous system and allow the mind and body to process the experience. That may be what is happening in REM or dream sleep--the eye movements help to process the unconscious material. It is important to remember that it is your own brain that will be doing the healing, and that you are the one in control.

Theoretical basis


EMDR integrates elements of imaginal exposure, cognitive therapy, psychodynamic and somatic therapies. It also uses the unique element of bilateral stimulation (e.g. moving the eyes back and forth, or alternating tones or taps). According to Francine Shapiro's theory, when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm usual ways of coping and the memory of the event is inadequately processed; the memory is dysfunctionally stored in an isolated memory network. When this memory network is activated, the individual may re-experience aspects of the original event, often resulting in inappropriate overreactions. This explains why people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic incident may have recurring sensory flashbacks, thoughts, beliefs, or dreams. An unprocessed memory of a traumatic event can retain high levels of sensory and emotional intensity, even though many years may have passed.

The theory is that EMDR works directly with memory networks and enhances information processing by forging associations between the distressing memory and more adaptive information contained in other semantic memory networks. It is thought that the distressing memory is transformed when new connections are forged with more positive and realistic information. This results in a transformation of the emotional, sensory, and cognitive components of the memory so that, when it is accessed, the individual is no longer distressed. Instead he/she recalls the incident with a new perspective, new insight, resolution of the cognitive distortions, elimination of emotional distress, and relief of related physiological arousal.


How long does it take?


When the distressing or traumatic event is an isolated incident, the symptoms can often be cleared with one to three 50 minute EMDR sessions. But when multiple traumatic events contribute to a health problem—such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, parental neglect, severe illness, accident, injury, or health-related trauma that result in chronic impairment to health and well-being—the time to heal may be longer.

How To Get The Most From Couples Therapy

By Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. and Peter Pearson, Ph.D.


This document is designed to help you get the most benefit from our work together. The first three sections deal with how to prepare for and maximize the value of our sessions. The fourth section summarizes some brief concepts about relationships and productive couples therapy.

Your job is to create your own individual objectives for being in therapy. Like a good coach, my job is to help you reach them. I have many, many tools to help you become a more effective partner - they work best when you are clear about how you aspire to be.
My goal is to help you each make better adjustments and responses to each other without violating your core values or deeply held principles.

Goals and Objectives of Couples Therapy
The major aim of therapy is increasing your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply new knowledge to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones.

The key tasks of couples therapy are increasing your clarity about:
.The kind of life you want to build together
.The kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create
.Your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you aspire to be
.The skills and knowledge necessary to do the above tasks

Tradeoffs and Tough Choices
To create sustained improvement in your relationship you need:
.A vision of the life you want to build together and individually
.The appropriate attitudes and skills to work as a team
.The motivation to persist
.Time to review progress

To create the relationship you really desire, there will be some difficult tradeoffs and tough choices for each person.

  • The first tradeoff will be time. It simply takes time to create a relationship that flourishes: time to be together, time to be with family, time to play, coordinate, nurture, relax, hang out and plan. This time will encroach on some other valuable areas - your personal or professional time.
  • The second compromise is comfort. That means emotional comfort, like going out on a limb to try novel ways of thinking or doing things, listening and being curious instead of butting in, speaking up instead of becoming resentfully compliant or withdrawing. At the beginning, there will be emotional risk taking action, but you will never explore different worlds if you always keep sight of the shoreline. In addition, few people are emotionally comfortable being confronted with how they don't live their values or being confronted with the consequences of their actions.
  • The other comfort that will be challenged is energy comfort. It simply takes effort to sustain improvement over time - staying conscious of making a difference over time - remembering to be more respectful, more giving, more appreciative etc. It takes effort to remember and act.
  • The other effort is even more difficult for some people - that is improving their reaction to problems. For example, if one person is hypersensitive to criticism, and his/her partner is hypersensitive to feeling ignored, it will take effort to improve their sensitivity instead of hoping the partner will stop ignoring or criticizing.

In all these areas, there is generally a conflict between short-term gratification and the long-term goal of creating a satisfying relationship. The blunt reality is that, in an interdependent relationship, effort is required on the part of each person to make a sustained improvement. It is like pairs figure skating - one person cannot do most of the work and still create an exceptional team.

How to Maximize the Value from your Couples Therapy Sessions

  • A common yet unproductive pattern in couples therapy is making the focus be whatever problem happens to be on someone's mind at the moment. This is a reactive (and mostly ineffective) approach to working things through.
  • The second unproductive pattern is showing up with each person saying, "I don't know what to talk about, do you?" While this blank slate approach may open some interesting doors, it is a hit or miss process.
  • The third common unproductive pattern is discussing whatever fight you are in at the moment or whatever fight you had since the last meeting. Discussing these fights/arguments without a larger context of what you wish to learn from the experience is often an exercise in spinning your wheels.

    Over time, repeating these patterns will lead to the plaintive question, "Are we getting anywhere?"

    A more powerful approach to your couples therapy sessions is for each person to do the following before each session:
    1. Reflect on your objectives for being in therapy.
    2. Think about your next step that supports or relates to your larger objectives for the kind of relationship you wish to create, or the partner you aspire to become.
    This reflection takes some effort. Yet few people would call an important meeting and then say, "Well, I don't have anything to bring up, does anyone else have anything on their agenda?" Your preparation will pay high dividends.

Important Concepts for Couples Therapy and Relationships
The following ideas can help identify areas of focus in our work and/or stimulate discussion between you and your partner between meetings. If you periodically review this list, you will discover that your reflections and associations will change over time. So please revisit this list often, it will help you keep focus during our work

Attitude is Key

·  When it comes to improving your relationship, your attitude toward change is more important that what action to take.

·  What to do and how to do it can often be easily identified. The real challenge is why you don't do it.

·  How to think differently about a problem is often more effective than just trying to figure out what action to take.

·  Your partner is quite limited in his/her ability to respond to you.

·   You are quite limited in your ability to respond to your partner.

·  Accepting that is a huge step into maturity

The definite possibility exists that you have some flawed assumptions about your partner's motives. And that he/she has some flawed assumptions about yours. The problem is, most of the time we don't want to believe those assumptions are flawed.

Focus on Changing Yourself Rather than Your Partner

  • Couples therapy works best if you have more goals for yourself than for your partner. I am at my best when I help you reach objectives you set for yourself.
  • Problems occur when reality departs sharply from our expectations, hopes, desires and concerns. It's human nature to try and change one's partner instead of adjusting our expectations. This aspect of human nature is what keeps therapists in business.
  • The hardest part of couples therapy is accepting you will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Very few people want to focus on improving their response. It's more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving.
  • You can't change your partner. Your partner can't change you. You can influence each other, but that doesn't mean you can change each other. Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to change a relationship.
  • It's easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the vistas are magnificent, the sun is shining and breezes are gentle. But when it gets bone chilling cold, you're hungry and tired, and your partner is whining and sniveling about how you got them into this mess, that's when you get tested. Your leadership and your character get tested. You can join the finger pointing or become how you aspire to become.
  • Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
  • Fear lets you know you're not prepared. If you view fear in that mode, it becomes a signal to prepare the best you can.
  • You can learn a lot about yourself by understanding what annoys you and how you handle it.
  • The more you believe your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.

Zen Aspects of Couples Therapy (Some Contradictions)

  • All major goals have built in contradictions, for example, speak up or keep the peace.
  • All significant growth comes from disagreements, dissatisfaction with the current status, or a striving to make things better. Paradoxically, accepting that conflict produces growth and learning to manage inevitable disagreements is the key to more harmonious relationships.
  • It's not what you say. It's what they hear.
  • Solutions, no matter how perfect, set the stage for new problems.

Tough Questions

  • Asking good questions - of yourself and your partner - helps you uncover causes beneath causes.
  • In a strong disagreement, do you really believe your partner is entitled to their opinion?
  • Under duress, do you have the courage and tenacity to seek your partner's reality and the courage to express your reality when the stakes are high?
  • Why is it important to let your partner know what you think, feel and are concerned about? (Because they really can't appreciate what they don't understand.)
  • What is the price your partner will have to pay to improve their response to you? How much do you care about the price they will have to pay? (Everything has a price and we always pay it.)
  • Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat him/her?
  • Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat yourself?
  • If you want your partner to change, do you think about what you can do to make it easier?
  • When a problem shows up, it's natural to think "What should I do about it?"
    A much more productive question is, "How do aspire to be in this situation?"

The Importance of Communication

  • The three most important qualities for effective communication are respect, openness and persistence.
  • Good communication is much more difficult than most people want to believe. Effective negotiation is even harder.
  • A couple's vision emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each.
  • We are all responsible for how we express ourselves, no matter how others treat us.
  • Communication is the number one presenting problem in couples counseling.
    Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:
    .Managing unruly emotions, such as anger that is too intense
    .How you are communicating - whining, blaming, being vague, etc.
    .What you want from your partner during the discussion
    .What the problem symbolizes to you
    .The outcome you want from the discussion
    .Your partner's major concerns
    .How you can help your partner become more responsive to you
    .The beliefs and attitudes you have about the problem.

    No wonder good communication is so hard!!

Some Final Thoughts

  • You can't create a flourishing relationship by only fixing what's wrong. But it's a start.
  • Grace under pressure does not spring full-grown even with the best of intentions - practice, practice and more practice. Practice the right things and you will get there.
  • Love is destroyed when self-interest dominates.
  • If you don't know what you feel in important areas of your relationship, it is like playing high stakes poker when you see only half your cards. You will make a lot of dumb plays.
  • The possibility exists that we choose partners we need but don't necessarily want.
  • To get to the bottom of a problem often means you first accept how complex it is.
  • Trust is the foundational building block of a flourishing relationship.
    You create trust by doing what you say you will do.
  • It's impossible to be in a highly inter-dependent relationship without ever being judgmental or being judged.
  • If you strive to always feel emotionally safe in your relationship and get it, you will pay the price by becoming dull.
  • If neither of you ever rocks the boat, you will end up with a dull relationship
  • Knowledge is not power. Only knowledge that is applied is power.
  • Most of the ineffective things we do in relationships fall into just a few categories:
    .Blame or attempt to dominate
    .Disengage/withdraw
    .Resentful compliance
    .Whine
    .Denial or confusion

    These are the normal emotional reactions to feeling a threat or high stress. Improving your relationship means better management of these reactions.
  • Everything you do works for some part of you, even if other parts of you don't like it.
  • Everything you do that takes a sustained effort is governed by three motivations:
    .Avoid pain or discomfort
    .The benefits involved
    .Be a better person
    It's also true for your partner.
  • If you are asking your partner to change something, sometimes it's a good idea to ask if the change is consistent with how they aspire to be in that situation.
  • Businesses and marriages fail for the same three reasons. A failure to:
    .Learn from the past
    .Adapt to changing conditions
    .Predict probable future problems and take action
  • Effective change requires insight plus action. Action without insight is thoughtless. Insight without action is passivity.
  • If you want to create a win-win solution, you cannot hold a position that has caused your partner to lose in the past.

© Copyright MMIV The Couples Institute

Other Resources

Anxiety and Depression

  • Mindsight by Dan Siegal

Compassion

  • The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Eating Disorders

  • Women, Food and God  by Geneen Roth

Eating Disorders

  • Women, Food and God  by Geneen Roth

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